Part 1: The Space Between Gratitude and Exhaustion

The past few weeks — and honestly, the past few months — I’ve been feeling emotionally drained and frustrated. I’ve realized I’m really good at masking it. I can hide it just enough to keep pushing, to keep showing up, even when I feel completely exhausted inside. But lately, everything has been hitting at once, and I keep asking myself: when will I catch a break?

So much has been weighing on me — stability, finances, goals, motivation, motherhood, relationships, friendships, even questioning my path in life. Normal things, right? But when all of these pressures pile up, they start to feel suffocating. Lately, I’ve been stuck in this mental place of what’s the point? or fuck it, maybe I should just give up. I feel trapped, like life is more complicated and heavier than it should be — and that makes me question myself. Am I doing something wrong? Am I not good enough? Sometimes I even wonder if I’m a bad person, because why else would life feel this hard?

What weighs on me the most is questioning whether I’m on the right path — in my career, my business, or even my spiritual journey. I have so much trust and faith in what I believe in, yet I’m still struggling. I know things will eventually get better, but right now it feels like my nose is barely above water — and I don’t even know how to swim.

I’ve caught myself wanting to quit at times. Not because I don’t care, but because living feels expensive — emotionally, mentally, and financially. Every time I feel like I’m catching up, another unexpected expense pops up. And that’s when the spiral starts: Am I not worthy of a peaceful, abundant life? Will I always struggle? Will things ever get better?

A big part of this struggle comes from not allowing myself to fully live my human experiences. In the past, I’ve felt like people expected my life to be perfect. Maybe some of that was my own fault — I didn’t want to show vulnerability or reveal what I was really going through, because I’ve been the one people watch, the one people seek advice from. But when I guide others, it isn’t just me — it’s my team, my spiritual support, my ancestors. People don’t always separate that. They know Luna Cosmica, not always Josseline at her core.

And over time, I felt like I had to fit the image of a “perfect” person with a perfect life, when the truth is my life is far from that. I still make mistakes. I still go through things. But now I’m learning to give myself grace. To not show up for everyone when I’m breaking inside. To sit with my feelings. To lean into my support system. And I’m extremely grateful to finally have people who can hold me when I need it.

What I’ve been holding inside are fears of inadequacy, doubts about whether I’m doing the right thing, and the constant questioning of my path. Struggling to ask for help. Staying positive doesn’t always come easily, especially when I’m the one who’s usually holding space for everyone else. Sometimes it feels like no one would be able to handle the version of me that isn’t always hopeful or strong — the version of me that isn’t Luna Cosmica, but Josseline.

Finances have been another source of stress. When I can’t sustain myself the way I want to, I feel like a failure. I get frustrated, discouraged, and exhausted. Work isn’t always consistent. Algorithms aren’t consistent. And when things feel rocky, it’s hard to remember that I’m still blessed. Because yes, I might be tight on money — but I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and my responsibilities covered. Still, after paying everything, it hits me: I don’t have more than enough. I just have enough.

When I think about quitting, it goes to the extreme — hovering over “delete account.” Staying relevant while staying authentic feels exhausting. Showing up as Luna Cosmica while also being Josseline — a woman, a mother, a daughter, a wife, a friend — is a lot. Right now, I just feel tired.

Maybe it’s the end of the year. Maybe it’s the weight of everything that’s happened back to back. This winter feels like hibernation energy — everything I’ve been pushing aside is coming up, forcing me to confront how hard I’ve been on myself, how negative I can be toward myself, and how much grace I still need to give myself.

This felt like a lot to unpack, and honestly, it is. So I’m choosing to honor both the truth of what I’m feeling and the reality of our attention spans. This is Part 1 of a two-part blog series, because some seasons deserve space instead of being rushed into meaning.

We’ll continue this conversation in Part 2, where I’ll share what I’m learning about self-sabotage, self-trust, and what it means to stop fighting myself while still choosing growth.

Thank you for holding this with me.
I’ll see you this Friday for Part 2, amigas 🤍✨